One of the interesting things about making mistakes is we usually know when we have made a mistake. We have a little talk with ourselves and commit to do better next time. The trouble is, once we walk in the door to greet our partner (or another), and they notice our mistake, often they feel a need to bring it to our attention. This creates a double whammie. Now we are hit from the left and the right.
As human beings, we don’t go around announcing our mistakes. Who wants to be in the dog house? Generally, we already put ourself there when we realized we messed up. Having someone tell us what we did wrong, in detail, we feel even worse. We certainly don’t feel close to this person. The truth is, inside was are sorry and would like to be forgiven.
Recall a time when you were let off the hook? Do you remember feeling relieved? Were you accepted for who you are? Now it is your turn.
Fall into forgiveness. Let someone off the hook. You’ll feel better about yourself, and that special someone will appreciate not being called on their mistake, even if they don’t say so. All around it is a win-win for you both — forgiveness always is.
It is a common roadblock in relationships–a woman is ready to make a commitment and a man doesn’t want to make that step. What should you do? How do you broach the subject? You love your man but wonder, is he really the one? Why isn’t he ready to make a commitment?
A woman feels the pressure to get married even though her partner may be happy to keep things the way they are. Inside her biological clock ticks away, accompanied by thoughts of getting married and starting a family. She may feel something is missing in her relationship if they donít tie the knot. Generally speaking, after dating for six months, a woman will feel the need for a deeper commitment. If he hasnít brought up the subject, she will.
Without an understanding of how women think, men fail to realize the importance of “going all the way” emotionally = making a commitment. On the other hand, without an understanding of men, a woman doesn’t understand why he can be happy with their relationship, just the way it is. In his mind, as long as he is getting his needs met and is happy, why risk moving to the next stage?
Commitment is to women what sex is to men. For example, let’s say a man wants to go all the way with a woman. If she only wants to go to second base, he instinctively feels something is missing. Similarly, a woman wants to go all the way emotionally, get married, and he thinks he may miss out if he does.
When a man is exclusive with a woman, it means that he has made her more important than anyone else. Having done this, he becomes vulnerable. His feelings for her can be wonderfully strong, but at the same time he may feel out of control. Talking about making a commitment may make him feel like his freedom is slipping away.
When a woman is ready to move the relationship towards a more serious commitment and a man stays a step behind, her behavior may change. If a couple is indecisive about moving toward marriage, a woman may even deny her need to get married. Or, feeling desperate, she may give him an ultimatum, in the hopes of getting the
response she seeks.
For Men:
Reassure her that you understand what she is going through and are willing to listen. This sets the tone for communication. Ask her what she wants and then listen–attentively. If you become defensive, communication will stop.
Take time to acknowledge her need to talk. If you are not ready to take the next step, all you have to do now, is listen. Next, be honest about your feelings with her. A woman may not like what you say, but she can deal with knowing where she stands better than she can, wondering and worrying.
For Women:
Without blaming him, gracefully share how you feel. This way he will be able to respond more positively. If he doesn’t, remind him, this is not a problem, you just need to talk.
Discuss about how you feel about your relationship. This will awaken his duty to discuss his intentions with you. After you share with him how you feel, ask him will share his feelings with you. Your ability to accept his response will build trust and increase his comfortability factor with you. Feeling safe and comfortable is essential for a healthy, loving relationship. Remember, he may need more time than you do, but you are off to a great start.
