We listen but do we really hear what another is saying? Listening is defined as: paying attention to; making an effort to hear. Take this definition a step further and put yourself in another person’s shoes. What would it feel like to experience what they are feeling? Instead of interrupting and trying to give your opinion, just listen. Listen with the sole purpose of trying to understand.
We can get so caught up in our day that we forget to take time to just listen. To prove this, the next time you are in a restaurant or at a coffee house, listen to two people having a conversation and notice how often they interrupt each other.
When we listen to someone else, when we put ourselves in their shoes, not only do we learn something about that person, we give them the gift of our attention. We learn something about them we didn’t know and we grow in our ability to be empathic.
Listening also shows respect. Try listening, without interrupting, the next time you have a conversation with someone. Practice it often. You’ll be glad you did.
It is a common roadblock in relationships–a woman is ready to make a commitment and a man doesn’t want to make that step. What should you do? How do you broach the subject? You love your man but wonder, is he really the one? Why isn’t he ready to make a commitment?
A woman feels the pressure to get married even though her partner may be happy to keep things the way they are. Inside her biological clock ticks away, accompanied by thoughts of getting married and starting a family. She may feel something is missing in her relationship if they donít tie the knot. Generally speaking, after dating for six months, a woman will feel the need for a deeper commitment. If he hasnít brought up the subject, she will.
Without an understanding of how women think, men fail to realize the importance of “going all the way” emotionally = making a commitment. On the other hand, without an understanding of men, a woman doesn’t understand why he can be happy with their relationship, just the way it is. In his mind, as long as he is getting his needs met and is happy, why risk moving to the next stage?
Commitment is to women what sex is to men. For example, let’s say a man wants to go all the way with a woman. If she only wants to go to second base, he instinctively feels something is missing. Similarly, a woman wants to go all the way emotionally, get married, and he thinks he may miss out if he does.
When a man is exclusive with a woman, it means that he has made her more important than anyone else. Having done this, he becomes vulnerable. His feelings for her can be wonderfully strong, but at the same time he may feel out of control. Talking about making a commitment may make him feel like his freedom is slipping away.
When a woman is ready to move the relationship towards a more serious commitment and a man stays a step behind, her behavior may change. If a couple is indecisive about moving toward marriage, a woman may even deny her need to get married. Or, feeling desperate, she may give him an ultimatum, in the hopes of getting the
response she seeks.
For Men:
Reassure her that you understand what she is going through and are willing to listen. This sets the tone for communication. Ask her what she wants and then listen–attentively. If you become defensive, communication will stop.
Take time to acknowledge her need to talk. If you are not ready to take the next step, all you have to do now, is listen. Next, be honest about your feelings with her. A woman may not like what you say, but she can deal with knowing where she stands better than she can, wondering and worrying.
For Women:
Without blaming him, gracefully share how you feel. This way he will be able to respond more positively. If he doesn’t, remind him, this is not a problem, you just need to talk.
Discuss about how you feel about your relationship. This will awaken his duty to discuss his intentions with you. After you share with him how you feel, ask him will share his feelings with you. Your ability to accept his response will build trust and increase his comfortability factor with you. Feeling safe and comfortable is essential for a healthy, loving relationship. Remember, he may need more time than you do, but you are off to a great start.
